Are You Happy?

"We can't be together."

"Why not?"

"...because." There was silence. "I'm sorry. I let you in. I never let anyone in." I turned, pulling myself out of his arms. I didn't look back, just started walking. I'm sure he was still standing there...

Manhattan was nice when it was dark. It was quite in this part of the city, under the trees. Something about them was so calming. Was that the last time I said no? To him? As much as I wanted to walk away from him, something kept pulling me back. He wouldn't let be back, this time, I was sure. We're done.

As the realization sank in, so did I; leaning against a tree. "You okay?" A man, in a shabby coat and carrying trash bags, was talking to me. With a start, I realized he was homeless.

"Um...yea. What made you think I wasn't?" It was an irrational question, seeing as I had my head in my hands not a few seconds before.

"Well, it's just that you were crying." After a minute, he said, "Name's John, can I sit down?" He gestured at the ground beside me. He was a while past middle aged, but not so much that his hair had turned white. His scruffy beard brushed against his collarbone when he said, "a little lady like you shouldn't be crying all by yourself at night."

"I'm not so little," I said, my voice shaky.

"So, who made you cry like that?" He pressed. I didn't get why he even wanted to talk to me, but I answered him all the same.

"His name is James, and I'm just confused. It's my fault. I messed things up between us."

"I was confused once," said John, "I worked as a CEO...and I was completely miserable," He simled at me.

"But, you must of had it all. What happened?" How did you end up on the streets, was my unspoken question.

"Money isn't everything, little lady. I wasn't happy, and happiness is more important than anything. It took me a long time to realize this, and when I did, I walked right into my partner's office and handed him my resignation." He paused, "It was the best thing I ever did." He looked at me sadly.

"But...you don't have a home." I stammered, casting about for excuses.

"The world is my home!" He laughed, holding his arms wide above him. "And I've never been happier," he added as an after thought. "Are you happy, little lady?"

"I don't know," I said, "I thought I was happy, but I just left..." I trailed off.

"The man you loved?" John finished my sentence for me.

"Yes," I said softly, "I...I don't know if I love him, though." My bottom lip quivered, threatening to unleash the tears again.

"Does he make you happy?"

"When I'm with him, yes," I said.

"Then where is he?" John let the question hang in the air.

"I left him...he's probably gone home by now." I said, with some doubt.

"You don't really believe that, do you?" John said with a small smile.

"No," I confessed, "he's always there...waiting for me." I looked up at the sky guiltily, not meeting John's eyes.

"So why are you here, crying in a park and talking to a homeless man?"

"I...I don't know. I'm confused," I finished lamely.

"Being confused is part of life, little lady. Today, I don't know if I should sleep on the bench or under this tree, but I know that life goes on, and being confused won't stop it. Which ever route you pick, you need to be open to where it will take you...because life is just a journey, and no one knows where it will end up." He  straight into my eyes, "Do not focus on what could have been done. You have a choice to make."

I looked at him. I did have a choice to make. "I bet you're going to tell me I should follow my heart," I laughed a little.

He smiled and tilted his head, "Yes, you catch on quickly little lady."

I bit my lip. "Thank you, John." I moved to stand.

"Whatever you do, make sure you're happy." He said, as I stretched my arms.

"I will." I said, the smile fading from my face, "but what about you?"

"Me?" He pretended to ponder the question, "I think I'm going to sleep under the tree, not the bench."

"Whatever makes you happy," I said, rolling my eyes and laughing. I turned and walked away, back to the city lights; doing what my heart told me to do.

He was still there, standing right where I left him. I made the long walk down the sidewalk towards him, to ashamed to meet his eyes. When his shoes came into view, I stopped and looked up. He was smiling at me.

"Yes," I said, before he could open his mouth, "I'll marry you."

I left his arms around me as he said, "You know, letting people in isn't such a bad thing." I smiled into his shirt, reminded of the John, asleep under his tree. It sounded just like something he would say.

"I'm happy, John," I murmured into James' shirt. "I really am happy."

"What?"

"Nothing," I said, and hugged him back.

Author's note: We can't keep meeting like this, computer, in the middle of the night. These written love affairs need to stop.... 

[but ruby...why?]

You're right. What am I saying? I'm going to go write more, now.... :D